Intense Day

The day started innnocently enough: relaxing on the couch, enjoying a cup of coffee, checking out a couple of the new Fleet Foxes tunes. I think I like them but I am not sure. The style is so soaring and overwrought, yet it’s strangely compelling. I was drawn in to the vortex of it. What do you think?

Fleet Foxes – Grown Ocean from Fleet Foxes on Vimeo.

Next I read an article about the so called “Fukushima 50” who are coming right out and saying they expect to die trying to  cool down a monstrous symbol of our consumption. I sob and sob.  The story is on fox news, a website I don’t usually interact with. I unwisely look at the comments, thinking I’m going to get extra comfort from processing this heavy information with others who had been similarly touched. Those others were there, but in small numbers. Most of the assholes there were spouting off hate filled left vs. right rhetoric, totally unrelated to the story.

Mom called last night to tell me my far away Grandmother has gone to her deathbed. She is ready to go be with her husband. I don’t feel sad about this, at least not on the surface. It feels like the most natural thing in the world.

Meanwhile, an atmospheric river flows into the Northwest, causing an avalanche to block Stevens pass and a mudslide to block the north-south railroad corridor. Rivers surge dangerously high, echoing the images from 2 weeks ago across the Pacific where poison now leaks and seeps into groundwater and the ocean. Look at Snoqualmie Falls!!

Already emotionally vulnerable, I knew I shouldn’t watch this next video, featuring an unbelievably outrageous prediction/concern by a republican representative from Indiana.

His supposition is so twisted that on first reading of the headline I thought, humm, if this person actually believed women would lie about being raped in order to obtain an abortion, he must be explaining why safe and legal access to abortion is so vital to preserve. That’s not what he was saying, of course. I start thinking of my own history. As I do from time to time, I think back to when I chose to save my own life, because I was not ready to be a mother. I never regret my choice for a minute, but occasionally I do take time to reflect on what happened, and to feel sentimental about the child who was never more than potential. I imagine him or her as an adult now, and wonder what would have happened if the father and I experienced that timeline. A rather frightening scenario to contemplate, one I don’t dwell on. And the potential life conceived out of love? That life wasn’t lost to this earth, it was merely delayed. Later, when the time was right, we both had our own children with other partners. By cosmic synchronicity, he and I both had beautiful blond boys at the same time, 12 years later.

Back to Representative Turner’s crazy assertion. What would I have done if abortion had been illegal? I might have gone to an underground provider, or became a mother at 17, but it would be UNTHINKABLE to accuse someone of rape so I could terminate my pregnancy. Are there women out there who would do such a thing? If there are, those people are extremely troubled and probably shouldn’t become parents, and underscores the need for legal access to abortion.

I start thinking of person after person in my life now and also from my past whom I have loved. I start to write tributes in my mind of all of them. Probably someday when they also pass I will share these stories with others. Or, better yet, sooner so they can understand how they have made the world a better place.  I weep a bit more with good memories of friends and family.

Later, I approach the laptop again. Oh hey, what truths is Jon Stewart pointing out now?
Click that link below, I can’t figure out how to imbed it properly.

Well, that speaks for itself; he really nailed it there.

In case I didn’t get enough of my emotional heartstrings going earlier, I decided to check out this touching remembrance of a gay soldier who died in combat overseas. His dad eloquently explains the how foolish this DADT policy has been.

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Okay, I took a break to pray for the waters of Fukushima

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Did I mention I’m home sick today? And that I planted two apple trees in the backyard Tuesday? And I didn’t have to water them due to the convenient atmospheric river. But Dylan was out in it, on an outdoor field trip, releasing salmon fry into Squalicum Creek (also contaminated, sigh)

I was recently catching up on my Fresh Air episodes from last year and learned some amazing things about water pollution, particularly that caused by “clean” coal. Yes, by cleaning our air we are simply putting the garbage into water instead. This is a highly recommended segment.

Do you ever wonder why there are so many people sick with mysterious autoimmune disorders like MS or lupus? I do.  I recently read that some people think a cure for MS will be found before we know the cause. Does that make any sense to you because it doesn’t to me. I want to know the cause so we can prevent it! I almost wrote “ you dumbasses” but I don’t want to sound like I am criticizing people doing important work that I can’t even begin to understand

Oh wow, look at these twin babies having a conversation.

You know, they kind of sound like Donald Duck.

Then Dr Monkey shared this bumper sticker with me. Thanks.
It's going to be okay

4 Responses to “Intense Day”


  1. 1 natoslug April 1, 2011 at 6:16 am

    Wow. I wish I had more to say right now, but I really suck at self-examination. Thank you, hope you get better, and buck up — I’m sure there is still hope out there.

  2. 2 natoslug April 1, 2011 at 8:28 am

    And because we’re old, and youtube is messing with me today, here is the new GOP anthem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-F4e5I1LHI&feature=related

    (it’s better if you click the 1911 button in the right-hand corner)

  3. 4 caryn April 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Thank you Tanya! What a beautiful read.


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